Lessons on Life

Incomplete list of stuff everyone should know.

Overview

These lessons may look obvious; and in a way they are, especially in hindsight. And yet they are difficult to follow in real life. I wrote these highly abstract “lessons on life” down so I can easily revisit them every now and then.

Maybe some of your recent self-improvements can be traced back from these lessons? Did I miss a thing or two? Either way, I'd love to hear your feedback, or any other kind of issue:
https://github.com/BenWiederhake/lessonsonlife/issues/new

Lessons

#00 Have a feedback loop

Abstract
A control loop works better when the controller actually considers input and output.
Abstract
(Ask yourself) What works well currently, do I want to do that again? What bothers me, do I want to try something different or even avoid that?
Negative example
Alice eats according to a specific diet to achieve a certain physiological goal. However, Alice never actually checks whether she makes progress, and thus never notices that her diet doesn't actually work.
Negative example
Bob does not notice that his finances/health/other systems have slowly deteriorated over time, and therefore cannot do anything against it.
Positive example
At the end of each day/month/year, Carol spends some time on review, and adjusts her goals/priorities/values.
Conse­quence
Learn from your mistakes. Also, learn from other people's mistakes.
Conse­quence
This entire list.
See also
Dare to think about yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCUTX1jurJ4
See also
Humorous take: https://xkcd.com/1457/

#01 Focus on reality

Abstract
Only reality can have an influence on you.
Abstract
Deal with the current state, not what you wish the state would already be.
Negative example
Carlos keeps up on everything wrong with a situation that is geographically/demographically/politically far away, and burns himself out by worrying, without actually achieving anything.
Negative example
Dave has spent too much time thinking about horror/fantasy/sci-fi stories/movies/games/daydreams/novels, and lost track of what's happening around him.
Negative example
After preparing for all possibilities and considering each eventuality, Chuck got surprised by the most likely outcome.
Negative example
Dan abhors the current situation, and therefore simply denies those aspects of reality.
Positive example
Charlie acknowledges new information, and now can decide how and whether to act.
Positive example
David verifies his assumptions before deciding something major, enabling him to succeed more often than chance.
Conse­quence
Enjoy news/fiction/daydreaming, explore hypotheticals, but don't drown in it.
Conse­quence
Don't shoot the messenger.
Conse­quence
Collect data before you “optimize”. For example, journal your experiences, insights, rationale, etc.
See also
“This Video Will Make You Angry” (CGP Grey): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3j_RHkqJc
See also
“Repression”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repression_(psychology)

#02 Everything is a function of time

Abstract
Social/financial/moral status change over time.
Negative example
Frank has to update something, and calls the new document NewSomething. The next time, he will call it NewNewSomething. Soon, all metadata is lost, impeding him in the future.
Negative example
Rupert got a conviction for something minor, faces justice and rehabilitation, and clearly has learnt his lesson. However, employers/neighbors/companies consider him dangerous, unable to grasp the concept that people can change.
Positive example
Faythe has known Erin for several decades. While deciding on a birthday present, she decides against something that Erin would have liked back in the days, because his interests have moved on, and it would no longer spark joy for him.
Conse­quence
Tag information with date, regardless whether a paper/file/brain stores it.
Conse­quence
Regularly reevaluate whether your assumptions, systems, values, and goals still make sense.
See also
The only constant is change: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Heraclitus
See also
The “boiling frog” fable: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog
See also
The “ladder monkeys” fable: https://wiki.c2.com/?TheFiveMonkeys

#03 Do the right thing, right now

Abstract
Which actions do you have available, in this moment?
Abstract
What should you be doing right now, realistically?
Negative example
Heidi is upset about the situation, and angrily yells that “they” should be doing something, and fails to realize that she, too, could improve things.
Positive example
Grace enjoys a movie, without 80% of her brain being busy checking and analyzing what she has planned for the day/week/month.
Conse­quence
Never regret: Either you did it intentionally, or you had no way of knowing any better.
Conse­quence
Making no decision at all is often one of the worst decisions you could make. Instead, default to action, especially on the small things in life.
Conse­quence
Perfect is the opposite of good: https://ciaranonuallainblog.wordpress.com/2020/10/04/motivation-and-why-finishing-a-personal-project-is-hard/
Conse­quence
Figure out how to participate, e.g. in your country: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXXYkLa-HHI
Conse­quence
A life spent failing is better than a life not starting; and if you don't do it “right now” at any moment, then you'll end up never starting.
See also
Victory, not Vengence: http://www.anachronsounds.de/webfiles/history.htm
See also
“Yak Shaving” (negative example): https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/yak_shaving
See also
“Keep it simple, silly”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KISS_principle
See also
“YAGNI”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_aren%27t_gonna_need_it

#04 Be aware of your own biases

Abstract
Some biases are good. Most aren't: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases
Negative example
Peggy always avoids risks – even when the losses are limited, and the chances are good. Peggy thus pays a huge opportunity cost: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_cost
Positive example
Rupert wants to read more. Instead of setting arbitrary goals that cause him to feel bad, he instead intentionally introduces a small bias in his decision making; for example, he announces a “Year of Reading”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVGuFdX5guE
Conse­quence
Try different things, break the bias of following your own footsteps just because they are your's. This applies to hobbies, food, associations with friend groups, and many more.
Conse­quence
Pay attention to the things that go right, to avoid the Negativity Bias. Keep a gratitude log, for example.
Conse­quence
Risk-aversion can be a good thing, but often the factor (usually two to five) is too large. If the disadvantage of an action is only minor, risk-aversion leads to opportunity cost: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBX-KulgJ1o
Conse­quence
An important part to overcome inaction bias is Assertion of Values: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhFQA998WiA
See also
“Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality” examines a lot of biases and how to detect or even avoid them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLglQ5-Q9FE&list=PLgJhb0Q9X1Qzw3bG9ZmcCKLIVwMawh6MM&index=1
See also
Rage is a surprisingly infectiuous emotion, thus ignoring it can be a good idea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3j_RHkqJc

#05 Automate everything, eventually

Abstract
Your life expectancy is large enough; you'll probably have to do it again and again.
Negative example
Every day, Judy wakes up and agonizes over which particular shirt to wear, what specifically to eat for breakfast, etc, instead of making a plan once and having a good idea in advance.
Negative example
Mallet organized an event for the second time. Because he didn't make any notes last year during the first event, he has to reinvent all solutions and rediscover all problems from scratch.
Positive example
Mallory paid close attention when he had to put in a fly net years ago. Moving into a new apartment, he finishes it in under an hour.
Conse­quence
Build habits: Deciding against a good habit is harder than deciding in favor of a good action.
Conse­quence
Use your decisions wisely; you only have a limited capacity: https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_the_paradox_of_choice?rid=nMh3l7bo1Qwh
Conse­quence
Teach your autopilot the basic steps in your life. This makes them more reliable and takes less energy.
Conse­quence
And, of course, mechanical automation: Dish washers, scripts, calenders, etc.
Conse­quence
Focus on the process, if there is any chance that you'll have to do it more than a few times.
See also
Automation should be a gradual process: https://xkcd.com/1205/

#06 You are, not “have”

Abstract
Turns out, your brain is connected to your body. Listen to it; all that sensory input is there for a reason.
Abstract
Does a clock “have” hands? Does it “have” a battery, a casing, printed numbers, various electronic parts, etc? If so, what “is” the clock? Likewise, you “are” your body: Take care of your mind, your eyes, your hands, your heart, etc.
Negative example
Pat ignores a pain he “has always had” and thus ignores. A single trip to the doctor could have told him what it was, and how to fix the underlying problem.
Positive example
Mike notices that sometimes he strongly likes and sometimes strongly dislikes heavily salted French fries. Turns out, his body knows how much salt it currently needs, and can signal a matching “appetite” accordingly.
Conse­quence
Pain is a warning light. “Turning off” the warning light shouldn't be your first action when it lights up.
Conse­quence
Don't punish your body (unless you're into that).

#07 Nobody knows anything

Abstract
Every sentence is technically a statement that is prefixed by “I believe that …”.
Abstract
True and absolute knowledge does not exist.
Negative example
The doctor's assistant tells Michael that he shouldn't eat anything for the next three days. That's because the assistant misunderstood the doctor's orders, and Michael should merely reduce lactose intake for the next three days.
Negative example
Siegfried has often experienced certain people around him to be “wrong”. Siegfried now “knows” that they are wrong, and will not even question his own beliefs.
Conse­quence
Beware the false dichotomy: https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/black-or-white
Conse­quence
Correlation is not causation. Also, there are other forms of causation, like confoundation.
Conse­quence
“What do I believe, and why do I believe it?”: https://conceptspace.fandom.com/wiki/Fundamental_Question_of_Rationality
Conse­quence
All rules, guidelines, and advice (including this page) are slightly off. Always check whether they make sense in context.
Conse­quence
Do not assume malevolence in what can be explained by wrong assumptions (or bad information): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon%27s_razor
See also
… except for mathematics: https://xkcd.com/263/

#08 Start at the problem, not the solution

Abstract
Making a problem go away entirely is easier than dealing with the trouble it causes.
Abstract
Often enough, there's a much simpler way to do certain things.
Negative example
Excessive Yak Shaving: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UZFI-8D5uA
Negative example
Niaj has a file that contains earth's geometry, and needs to convert it to a different format. Niaj wastes several days just writing a highly-optimized program that runs once and will never be used again.
Positive example
Olivia and Oscar argue about the room temperature: She is freezing, and he is sweating. Instead of arguing about the world climate or coming up with an elaborate scheme of who should be in power over the thermostat, they simply switch places so that Olivia sits closer to the radiator.
Conse­quence
If all you have is a hammer: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/if_all_you_have_is_a_hammer,_everything_looks_like_a_nail
See also
Yak Shaving: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/yak_shaving#Noun
See also
Sometimes, bodging is enough: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIFE7h3m40U

Epilogue

Live a good life; be kind to the people around you; improve humanity, advance civilization; and if you somehow manage to make a lot of money from this advice, consider saying thanks by giving me 1% of the profit.

Most names are taken from this Wikipedia list, and not from real life. All stories are fictional.

This page was last rebuilt on 2021-05-29 12:55 UTC.

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